I am angry. Inexplicably angry that I don't get to choose the end point. That it is effectively chosen for me. This. THIS is what enrages me most. And yet, rage nor anger are the right descriptors. It's devastation: severe or overwhelming shock or grief
What I think many people and providers forget is the impact that the diagnosis, treatment and procedures have on my little people. Em is 6 and D is 3.
It comes in waves. The loathing, disgust, and desperation for what was. This absolutely was the best decision - to have a double mastectomy - for a number of reasons for me. BUT. That doesn't mean it's not hard mentally and emotionally.