Being scared, worried or even down right petrified makes it hard to think. Focusing becomes challenging. Remembering things that you used to be able to remember with ease suddenly becomes a significant test.
That weekend was hard. I went through the ultrasound report, looked up some of the things I didn't know... Given the information that I had it would be 3B - advanced stage cancer.
It comes in waves. The loathing, disgust, and desperation for what was. This absolutely was the best decision - to have a double mastectomy - for a number of reasons for me. BUT. That doesn't mean it's not hard mentally and emotionally.
I can feel the skin with my fingertips, but I can't feel the fingertips on my skin. Bonus, the pain goes away when I do that.
It was 'easy' to find the lymphnode and get the wire hooked into the right spot, but my medial tumor was much more challenging. Gotta make it interesting right?
Time to cut these traitors off
So many people have been afraid of what to say, or not say, what to do, or not do, or that I am not interested in their problems.
I began paying closer attention but of course had my own excuses and reasons for the discomfort... I had zero external signs (invisible lump)
I am a recovering perfectionist... I am striving to be unapologetically myself through the life-altering experience that is cancer diagnosis and treatment...